Thursday, July 31, 2014

The "Man-Rules"

Pay Attention, Ladies ... (ha ha ha, hee hee)
[Contributed by my friend, Vietnam veteran, Allan Bopp, who posted it on Facebook]

We men always hear 'The Rules' from the female point of view. 

Now finally, here are The Rules from the male point of view. 

These are our rules. They are all numbered #1 on purpose and for a good reason. 

Do your best to remember them, please.

#1. Men are NOT mind readers.

#1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining when you leave it down.

#1. Crying is blackmail.

#1. Ask for what you want. Allow us to be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work
Strong hints do not work
Obvious hints do not work
Just say it!
#1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question a male has.

#1. Come to us with a problem, but only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

#1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.

#1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us whether you are fat.

#1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad, or angry, we meant the other one

#1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know the best way to do it, then just do it yourself.

#1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

#1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

#1. ALL men see in only sixteen colors, just like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

#1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are not telling the truth, but it's just not worth the hassle.

#1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

#1. When we have to go somewhere together, absolutely anything you want to wear is fine. Really.

#1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about, unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, football, or motor sports.

#1. You have enough clothes.

#1. You have too many shoes.

#1. I AM in shape. Round IS definitely a shape.

#1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping to us.

***This is cute!  Thank you for sharing, Allan!

“A writer soon learns that easy to read is hard to write.” ~CJ Heck

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