The Circle of Life

The Circle of Life

I was having my coffee this morning and thinking about my grandchildren.  I have eleven now, from sixteen all the way down to seven months.

I find it fascinating, how children go through so many age-specific stages, beginning with the "terrible twos". Then, from about four on, everything in their world is either black, or white. 

There is no grey area, where things can fall somewhere in between. I'm not sure when the grey area develops, only that somewhere along the road to growing up, it always does.

To a child, there is only right or wrong, good or bad, funny or not funny, nice or not nice, and the kids at school are either friends, or bullies. 

A bad guy is ... a BAD guy, and a bad guy does things that are wrong. Dad is a good guy, because he does things that are right. A mom is another good guy, and so are policemen, mail carriers, doctors, and that nice Mrs. Johnson next door, because she bakes cookies and shares them.

Their view of what's funny is unique, too.  Being teased is not funny, if they feel they are being picked on.  But when someone says 'fart', or 'butt', that is funny.  Even something we adults consider not at all funny, can be very funny to a child -- like, blowing up a marshmallow in the microwave.  You'll know who did it, because the child will be laughing [or trying not to].

Nothing ever smells, or tastes, 'okay' to a child. Again, there's no grey area.  Gasoline and flowers smell good, and feet and swiss cheese smell bad. Brussel sprouts and black jelly beans are 'yukky', but a piece of chocolate cake? As my nephew used to say, "I could make a whole meal outta that."

I think pretending is what comes, just before the grey area begins.  Then life just naturally expands beyond the black and white. 

We learn our parents aren't perfect, teachers don't have all the answers, and our friend will be hurt if we tell him his feet stink. 

Our tastes change, the little mysteries of life are solved, and we find a lot of our questions can be answered by an encyclopedia, or our friends.   

As our view of the world further expands, we shed our childhood innocence. We pretend less and less and enter into the maturity of the grey area, where we stay through all our adult years. 

I was thinking, too, when you get to be my age, everything suddenly turns around.  Ironically, things seem to be heading back to black and white and pretending again.  

Being old and getting wrinkles is bad.  Life, love, children and grandchildren are all good.  And pretending?  Well, I'm pretending I'm going to win the lottery ...



“A writer soon learns that easy to read is hard to write.” ~CJ Heck

The Reality of Rules

I remember one of the hardest things about growing up was learning all of the rules of ... growing up.

Things were always either black or white, good or bad and, to parents and the rest of the world, it seemed everything was either right, or wrong.

To this child, there really was no grey area, that safe place in between the extremes that we all enter as we grow older.

The way I learned best, of course, was through listening and minding my parents. But I also I learned by testing the very rules they imposed and finding out there were consequences for breaking them. (I spent a lot of time thinking about rules in the "naughty chair").

From a child's vantage point, grownups have it easy. They can stay up as late as they want. They don't have to go to school and sit in a classroom. They can do anything they want to do AND they hold the key to just about everything in a kid's life, too -- what they should eat and when; what they should wear; where they can go; when to come inside; when to take a bath; when to go to bed; when to get up; when to pick up toys or clean their room; even what they can watch on TV.

I remember growing up couldn't come fast enough, just so I wouldn't have any rules ... anyway, I wrote this poem from my inner child's point of view:

Rules

Parents sure have lots of rules,
things to do and not do.
I’ll be glad when I get big
and growing up is gone through.

I won’t need a dentist
or a barber for my hair,
and I’ll go buy a chocolate cake
that I won’t have to share.

Maybe, I’ll stay up all night,
eat junk and watch TV.
If I want, I’ll sleep all day.
No more rules for me!

“How will you get up for work?
You might get fired”, Mom said.
“You won’t make any money
by sleeping late in bed.”

Why would I need money?
Who needs money anyway?
Rules are bad. When I grow up
I’ll do fun things all day.

"How will you pay your rent?
How will you buy a car?
How would you buy your grownup clothes?
(you’ll be bigger than you are) .

You’ll have to buy the food you eat.
You’ll have to have a phone.
How will you pay your heating bill,
‘cause surely you’ll have a home?"

I hadn’t thought of all of that.
I can’t do that stuff!
It doesn’t sound like fun at all
and I just don’t know enough.

Mom said as I get bigger,
the rules get bigger, too,
but if we start at my age,
it's not so hard to do.

She said, "People grow like houses,
step by step, and brick by brick.
That’s the way we all grow up
and having rules is part of it."


There's an irony here.  We're finally grownups.  Now we miss those days of childhood innocence with its gentle, black or white, good or bad, right or wrong rules ...

(From the book, "Barking Spiders 2", by CJ Heck)

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